Off To The Pool Through Grandma-Eva's Eyes

Today was the last day of school for my 1st grader Sophia, and the kids have requested that we go to the pool to celebrate.

Currently, I am at least 15 lbs heavier than I want to be.  Really, I would like to be about 30 lbs lighter, but who's countin?. :) Since I've just been trying to stay sane I haven't been focusing as much on losing the weight like I was last spring (when I lost 27 lbs! woo!woo!,) but I'm excited to start working on that again.

Still, today, I am not going to be losing 15 lbs. LOL

Weight is another big issue for me, or size, because most of my life it wasn't.  I was active, healthy, slim and loved it.  it wasn't difficult.  Then I had 3 kids during which I was sick CONSTANTLY.  The only way I wasn't puking was if I had something in my stomach, so I was nibbling on something CONSTANTLY.  Usually breads and crackers.  I know, really nutritious. :)

Now my youngest is almost 2, and it's been hard to curb the eating habits I developed while pregnant, which only worsened with stress, late-night eating while editing photos for my home business (Forget-Me-Not Fotography Like us on Facebook!) and giving in to my husband's poor, mid-west eating habits of cheese, meat and more cheese.  He even (I DO LOVE HIM!) makes his trademark "Fried Cheese."  :) I know I can lose the weight with Weight Watchers (a program I've used before) but I really just want to get to that happy physical place by exercising and eating right and just being accountable to me.

Anyway, along the way I have really not liked being in pictures or swimsuits.  You never realize how big you are until you see yourself in a swimsuit or a picture.  It's like physical evidence of all the binging and poor choices you've made staring back at you.  And those hips don't lie!  I don't think there is an ideal size or that everyone should look the same.  I DON'T.  I just know I can be taking better care of myself.

That all being said, it's important for me to be in pictures with my kids.  I treasure the pictures I have with my own family so much.  So my current mental mantra for finally being a little more comfortable in pictures is "I'll be bigger later."  Let me explain. :)

Since I'm always "planning" on getting in better shape, I've often thought to myself, "I'll be skinnier later so I'll just be in pictures then..."  Has anyone else ever thought that?  Please tell me I'm not the only one.  Well, then one day I was looking at pictures of my mom and me when I was a munchkin and she looked great!

Not that she doesn't now, she's beautiful!  But we do tend to age with age...so it was special to see her younger and looking so alive with us kids.  Even though she, at that point in time, didn't like her hair or was a little self-conscious of her smile, she was smiling anyway.  Making a slideshow of her and us for Mother's Day was so rewarding and only possible because she smiled for the camera (even though she ALSO DID NOT WANT TO BE in the pictures.)  If you would like to see that slideshow it's here (Warning: If you are a mother you might need to have some kleenex ready...)

So I figure, however I look now, whenever in the future I am seeing that picture I WILL LOVE IT!  Compared to future-Eva, I will be younger in today's pictures.  Today's Eva has all her teeth!  My skin will be smoother now than how it is later.  I'm sure the "cottage cheese" I've got now will be nothing compared to later. :) And even if I'm 15 lbs or 30 lbs bigger than I want to be right now, I'm sure someday "I'll be bigger later."  And that's not a bad thing.  There is a season and time for all things, but not for being so self-conscious we don't let ourselves fully live life. :)

I no longer always look at myself through today's-judging-Eva eyes.  I look at myself through Grandma or even Great-Grandma-Eva's eyes.  And according to her, I'm a hottie! :)  Seriously, the old Eva would NOT have wanted a picture with her daughter on the last day of school and I'm SO glad I have that to treasure.

So I'm off to get all ready for the pool.  And I am going to enjoy every moment of it, white legs, farmer's tan and all!  LOL Luv, Eva

Finding Success Through Failure...Joining The Failure Club

The past year I've been following a show on yahoo called "Failure Club."  It follows the lives of some New Yorkers who are trying to live their specific, big dreams.  The idea is that without failures along the way, we can never achieve success.  We have to be willing to fail, even happy to fail, to succeed.  (How many prototypes did Edison have for the lightbulb?)

One of my college professors called it "Collecting Your No's."  In otherwords, if we thought it would take 20 rejections before a manuscript was published or produced, then we should start submitting and collecting our "No's."  Discouragement shouldn't even appear until we had at least received our 20 rejections.  Failure was part of the process of success and we need not fear it, but maybe even look forward to it.  We would be that much closer to success.

On the second most recent episode of this show a comedian had the chance to perform on Amateur Night at The Apollo, a stage that has started many careers.  She was booed off.  :(  But her energy and excitement after being booed off the stage was incredible!  She said that the worst possible scenario had happened and it wasn't that bad.  She had nothing left to fear now, so she had that much more gusto with which to pursue her dream.

Well, I have joined the Failure Club.  I admit it.  After losing over 20 pounds I got scared.  I started to tell myself the next 20 pounds would be that much harder.  I lost my motivation to work out with the heat, our schedules, and wanting to be with my family.  I told myself I didn't look so bad (which is true.)  But all of this was really just part of wanting to stop my progress so I wouldn't have to face failure.

The result?  I gained weight.  And you know what?  After a day or so of thinking about it, I realized the worst was over!  And it wasn't so bad!  So why not keep trying?!  Even if there are weeks I gain, I know I will be stronger and healthier inside.  I know exercising helps me relieve stress, which I DEFINITELY need. :)  I know eating right isn't just about me, it's about improving the health of my entire family and influencing them.  And you know what?  It's working!  Last night my dear husband grilled chicken and zuchinni without any oil or salt and kept asking me "This is a healthy meal, right?" :)

So I'm back on the bandwagon.  I exercised all last week.  We've been eating yummy all-fruit smoothies and veggies from our garden.  And I feel better than ever!  So, go on!  Try failing at something!  Really, whenever we try something we are trying to do something that will end with success or failure.  The big difference is if in the face of failure, we keep going...

Will I Ever Be A Size 2? NO! Do I Need To Be? NO! :)

First, I've just got to say I KNOW THAT WEIGHT IS ONLY A NUMBER.  It doesn't necessarily determine how kind you are, how beautiful you are, what kind of integrity you have...there are a lot of other values that are more important than the health standards you maintain.  At the same time, I know for me, I feel better when I take care of myself.  And if I feel better, I can take better care of others, be more kind, feel more beautiful and be confident and have the kind of integrity I want to have.

I remember for a while I didn't even want to try losing the baby-weight.  I felt like I was good mom regardless of what number was on the scale, so what did it matter?  The result?  I ended up over-indulging in junk food.  I ended up really out of shape, making it impossible to keep up with my kids in a ten minute game of tag.  As a result I felt worse about myself and depressed.  Basically, I wasn't living my life to its fullest.

Do I still get depressed?  Yes.  But it is a lot easier to get out of if I've exercised and am eating good foods.  Remember, according to my doctor, 45 minutes of intense cardio is more effective than a dose of Xanex!

Will I ever be a size 2?  NO.  Do I need to be?  NO.  Like I've said before, size doesn't matter so much as taking care of and respecting yourself does.  Taking care of yourself means eating lots of frutis and veggies and getting regular exercise.  Respecting yourself means allowing yourself the time to do so.  Will you lose weight and get more fit along the way?  Probably.  But that's simply the bonus from the other already rewarding choices.

It's funny, now our "treats" aren't really treats.  We had pizza last night, just a couple cheese slices, and both my husband and I were not feeling too well afterwards.  Our body is trained to not like that grease anymore!  LOL  So, if I was going to add my own tip to the list I'm about to share with you, it would be to only eat things that will let you still feel good after eating them. :) 

It's funny, but some of my favorite articles on health have come from Men's Health Magazine.  I don't know if the voice writing the article just sounds more practical than the one's in women's magazines, but whatever the reason, it's great to have some concrete ideas that connect and work.  It feels like I always need some new tips to keep the motivation up, and keeps my body changing.  So when I enjoyed this article, I wanted to share it.  You can find the entire article 61 Easy Ways To Lose Weight by clicking on the link, or I will be including it in 3 segments on my blog (minus some of the ads.)  Here is the first chunk, with my favorite tips highlighted.  What are some of yours?  Please comment! :)  Love, Eva

From the article...

A few years ago, one of my friends at Men's Health stepped on the scale and was horrified by the result. He'd somehow managed to pack 20 pounds of flab onto his previously skinny frame. When he looked into the mirror, he saw a fat guy staring back. He decided to make a change, quick. 
 

That day, he gave up his beloved soda. He was only drinking two or three bottles a day, but over the course of six months, he dropped those 20 pounds. It was a small change to his lifestyle -- no big deal, really. And yet, it had a massive impact on his health and his body. (No surprise: Drinking calories is one of the 20 Habits That Make You Fat.)
 

My point: Making small decisions each day can result in big-time fat loss.


Below are dozens of simple ways to lose weight. Start with one -- today! -- and watch the weight begin to melt away. Trust me, this is going to be easier than you think.


1. Have a clear goal. It should be one that anyone in the world can measure and understand.
2. Drink tea. Research suggests that those who drink tea -- black, green, or white, as long as it’s from real tea versus herbal tea -- have lower BMIs and less body fat than those who don’t consume tea.
3. Eat cayenne pepper. A study published in the British Journal of Nutrition showed that when compared to placebo, capsaicin -- the active ingredient in cayenne -- increased fat burning.
4. Decrease/eliminate processed carbs. They do nothing for you outside of creating a favorable environment for gaining fat.
5. Eat more veggies. They fill you up, without providing many calories. Just avoid the high-calorie dressings.
6. Eat more fruit. No one ever gained weight from eating more fruit. And that includes the so-called "high sugar" fruits like bananas and melons.
7. Lift weights. Heavy weights. Build more muscle, burn more calories.
8. Cut down rest time between sets. This will keep your heart rate elevated causing an increase in calories burned. The good news: You can sky-rocket your heart rate and torch belly-fat fast with The Spartacus Workout for Men and The Spartacus Workout for Women -- the most popular fat-blasting workouts in Men's Health and Women's Health history.
9. Do intervals. Study after study after study continues to show intervals are more effective and time efficient than longer activity
10. Eat more protein. Replacing refined carbohydrates with lean protein will not only help satiate you, but will also increase your metabolism -- through something called the thermic effect of food.
11. Eat protein more frequently. It's important to also time your intake so you're eating protein regularly throughout the day -- not just in one lump sum, like most do at dinner. Every meal and snack should include some protein.
12. Supplement with fish oil. A study published in Lipids fed mice diets enhanced EPA and DHA -- a.k.a. fish oil. The researchers learned that the mice fed diets higher in omega-3 fats had significantly less accumulation of body fat. Other studies have shown similar results.
13. Do full body exercises. Think: Squats, deadlifts, chin-ups, and push-ups. You'll get more bang for your buck out of each workout. Want even better results? Discover the 100 Greatest Fitness Tips of All Time.
14. Cycle your carb intake based on your activity level. Sure, carbs are important. But on the days you don't work out, you simply don't need as many compared to the days you exercise hard. Rule of thumb: The more active you are, the more carbs you can eat, and vice versa.
15. Start your meals with a salad. Salad will provide some bulk to help fill you up -- so that you eat less calories overall.
16. Don't forget the fiber. Think of fiber like a sponge; it absorbs water and makes you feel full.
17. Drink water. Professor Dr. Brenda Davy and her Team from Virginia Tech University found that giving people 2 cups of water before each meal resulted in greater weight loss after 12 weeks. The reason? It helps fill you up.
18. Add beans to your salads. It's a nice way to add some additional fiber, protein and healthy carbs.
19. Replace one meal a day with a large salad and lean protein. This is a simple way to instantly improve your diet.
20. Keep a food journal. There's no better way to track what you're putting in your mouth.
21. Watch your portions. Avoid the buffet line and never supersize. Instead make sure you're following what the nutrition label recommends for a serving.

My Downhill Slide... :( And Uphill Climb!

This week was hard.

It started with the hotdogs and chips they were giving out for free after the 5K.  I knew there would be food, and hotdogs, but I thought there would be some healthy options too.  I also thought one hotdog wouldn't hurt too much if there weren't other healthy options.

So I ate it.  And the chips.  My first mistakes.

Then I had to run errands and only had some granola bars in my purse- good ones, but still a packaged, convenience food that doesn't make my tummy very happy.  My stomach felt worse.

Then I got home to a house of stressed out, whining people.  The contrast from the high-spirited, inspiring event I had just left was drastic and depressing.  But there was a birthday party to get ready for, so it was rush, rush and more food, food, food.  It was easy to think, "I've already had some junk today and ran a lot, so I'm just going to let today be a day off."  A huge slice of cake, bite of cookie, scoop of ice cream and glass of punch later...I felt awful.

I used to be able to eat this and feel fine.  Yes, I was larger but I felt fine.  But my body cannot handle it now.  It had been weeks since I'd been uncomfortably full and now I had felt that way after several meals.  So you'd think I'd start the next day off great, right?

No, I woke up physically ill.  When I didn't eat I was nauseated and when I did eat I still was nauseated.

Monday, the same and another celebration to be part of.  I got my favorite fresh salsa and cucumbers to eat it with and was checking out when BAM!  I saw a sale!  Tortilla chips, Gluten Free, two bags for $3.  I grabbed a couple so other people could enjoy the salsa too.  Of course, I ended up eating most of the first bag.

Leslie Sansone (yes, from the cheezy DVDS where you can walk miles in your living room) says "One good decision leads to another."  I totally believe that!  You eat a good breakfast and you want to eat a good lunch.  You get a good workout and you want to fill yourself with healthy fuel.

But it's important for me to remember the converse of this too.  For me, One bad decision leads to another.  Do you think I wanted to exercise on the days I ate poorly and the days after when I felt sick?  No way.  The only thing that kept me kind of going was remembering that my Dad would want me to make the most of each day I have with my body and if he had the chance he would take the walk.

So my weigh in wasn't a gain...

But it wasn't much of a loss either.

Still, I took that small loss as a blessing and moved forward with it.  My family (kids and hubby and sometimes dogs) and I have taken walks four evenings this past week.  I took a morning walk wearing Sam on my back and pushing Michael in the stroller and saw goats!  Then we had to do the walk again so the whole family could see goats! 

 We've played at the park and stayed active and I'm grateful for that. 

But I am going to remember Jillian Michael's quote more:  Self-control is overrated.

On the show The Biggest Loser there's an episode where they're at a restaurant.  When she see's what someone on her team ordered she dumps an entire salt shaker on his plate so he can't eat it.  Well, I know now that if I have it around me I will take that one bite to "give it a try" or "just have a little and not be too healthy", and then I will take one bite more and then another and another.

Lab rats in experiments have proven it!  They will walk across hot metal plates to get to sweet and salty foods even when they aren't hungry, while the starving rats won't walk across those same hot plates for bland food.  The level of dedication to get that processed sweet or salty food was almost as high as the addicted rats trying to get to their cocaine (from The End Of Overeating.)  Our bodies are programed to want that flavor and the best way I've found to avoid it is to AVOID IT! :)

So here I am avoiding it...  That other bag of tortilla chips is going to be part of my work out as I jump rope on top of it and crush it to pieces. :)

More about the Angel Walk tomorrow!  Happy Friday!  If you're eating out try Subway or Blimpies like Chad and I did tonight  and "Eat Fresh"! LOL   Love, Eva

Meeting Myself Again...And a Weigh-in!!!

When I started this blog a little over four years ago, it was to help get me through my postpartum depression with a more positive outlook.  I decided to title my blog "Things Always Look Better In The Morning" because growing up that's what my Daddy would always say to me when I had been up to late, was exhausted and stressing myself out.  Although it's a little frustrating to be in 2012 and still be fighting some of the same issues, it's also REALLY encouraging.  I haven't given up.  I'm still the same girl inside, I recognize her ever-positive voice.

 Although there have definitely been moments and months of darkness, this disease hasn't jaded me or defeated me.  So today, along with a picture showing today's weight (Yay for losing 2.2 more pounds this last week while on vacation!  Eating at Subway and walking lots-like, around the motel hallways at 10 PM for an hour while I talked on the phone, really did make a difference :)) I am also posting my first blog post ever.  I took these down when I was looking for a job, but little by little I will be re-posting them.  I'm excited to learn more from myself, laugh and cry a little and see how far I've come...

Saturday, March 22, 2008

A Kick From Being Sick

THREE weeks ago I spent my time making great goals for myself, like "Staying on top of the dishes...Losing the 'baby weight'...Losing the 'baby weight' by training for a marathon...Running a marathon this summer while helping find a cure, having a spotless home and getting ready for another baby!" and other positive, completely reasonable goals.

TWO weeks ago I spent most of my time making really good excuses for why I couldn't accomplish my goals, like "I need to watch 'Rock and Roll Sesame Street Classics' again...The sink's too full to do dishes...After that good run, I need to rest a little- like, a week..."

LAST week I've been sick. The kids have been sick, the hubby's been sick, and even though the cat isn't acting sick, I'm sure he's sick of us. What do I wish more than ever? That I was healthy enough to start on some of those goals.

Really, sometimes it takes being out of the running to help you realize how glad you are you can wash dishes or exercise. Even if it's painfully boring and tiring. I'm sure every now-legendary journey wasn't all that glorious along the way (remember, no explorer had concealer, tampons, texting options on a cell phone or chocolate to binge on.) But at the end of the day, they were that much closer to ruining another ancient civilization. And we're grateful for that. Just as I'm sure my kids are grateful for their clean clothes, even if they can't tell me (or maybe that's what all that cute cooing means. I'll pretend it does...)

So, with Easter upon me and no ham to cook or pie to bake (but lots of meds and OJ) I'm seeing spring as just that- a time to spring and pounce on whatever goals my heart warms up to...anyone else up for a marathon?

Love, Eva 

Just Checking In...

YAY!!! That's over 12 lbs lost, although someone told me today they thought I'd lost 30! Thank you! I don't take that in an offensive way at all. I know I am changing the way I treat my body and it's changing the way it's treating me. :) Now, off to finish dinner, wash and fold my 6th load of laundry and start packing for my weekend away at BYU Women's Conference. I hope I can still have fun and fit in some exercise and healthy food choices...we will see! No. I KNOW I CAN! :) Luv, Eva

Hey Mama, Welcome To The 60's! Whoa, Oh, oh, Oh...

OK, I hope some of you know what movie musical my posting title is from...Hairspray, people! The scene from that song seriously makes me teary every time I watch it. In case you haven't seen it it is literally about a teenage daughter welcoming her mother to the real-world. The mother's obeseity and fear has kept her homebound, just cleaning and wearing muumuus for decades. During the song they enter the colorful 1960's city streets, dance, shop, sing, dance more (the end is better than an Old Navy commercial!) and together they overcome the fears that were holding them back. You gotta love a good musical moment...

Well, this Mama has entered the 60's too, the 160's...

The video component on my computer is having issues, so I was only able to take a picture to use yesterday, but there it is! I was still at 171 late last week and I wanted SO bad to finally be in the 160's this week. So I EXERCISED HARD!! Jillian, Bob and Kim would be proud. I ate right and BAM! my body was ready to lose those pounds. I am learning that some weeks our body will go with us to that place, and some weeks it won't, but either way I have to believe in the process. I am and I am feeling and (according to my hubby) looking great!

I'm so grateful for your encouraging words that have helped me not give up. I've been on this journey for 5 weeks, have lost and kept off over 9 pounds (almost 25% of my goal.) I am stronger physically and emotionally. Like my high school friend Taryn said, "I got this."

If you want a fun pick-me-up, I'm including links below to my two favorite and (to me) motivational songs from Hairspray. Please remember this movie is rated PG-13 and it's comedy is tongue-in-cheek. :)

Here's (Hey Mama) Welcome To The 60's. My favorite moments are at 5:11 and 5:40- GO John Travolta!

And a must for any runner, jogger, dancer, housekeeper's sound library... "You Can't Stop The Beat." It's beat is fast and keeps you going! WARNING this song uses the D word :) but if there's anything I feel strongly enough about to hear the D word, it's the theme of this song. No one should ever put someone else down for their color, body size or type. Those qualities should not stop us from dreaming, doing and becoming. I know I've put myself down for my size and it was wrong to. No more. No more calling myself names or giving up and giving in because "I'm fat anyway."

People through out time have overcome SO MUCH! This movie clip covers TV and relationship integration, racial intolerance as well as judgements according to our size. Well, I'm going to be strong and overcome too. I'm going to over come being lazy. I'm going to overcome giving up. I'm going to overcome being overweight by not selling myself short and trying anyway!

I'm wrapping things up with the words of my favorite verse that Ms. Maybell (in the movie Queen Latifah) sings (which Queen Latifah recorded in 1 take- WOW! It's at 8:19 in the clip...) When I hear this I can't help but sprint...

Oh oh oh
You can't stop today
As it comes speeding down the track
Child, yesterday is hist'ry
And it's never coming back

MAYBELL & ENSEMBLE
'Cause tomorrow is a brand new day

MAYBELL
And it don't know white from black

Tomorrow is a brand new day! Keep going! Keep it up!

In the words of Christopher Walken's character "Do it now or forever wish you had! Show 'em baby!"
(6:11- 6:22 in the song- again John Travolta is too funny!)
Only you can choose to "stop the beat," but don't! :) Love, Eva!

Weekly Weigh-In: Hello Week 3!

Here goes nothing... :)

Week 2: The Weigh-In...

Week 2's Weigh-in...

Weight Loss Journey! The Initial Weigh-In...

It's been a LONG time since I've posted to this blog. I'm grateful I can say I've been doing really well. :) I truly feel like the worst of my depression is finally over. I am medication free, suicidal-free (if that's a word LOL) and just in genereal feeling free to begin living the life I've wanted to for over a decade.

It's funny to think that a couple years ago I removed any trace of instability from these blog posts, as I sought fulltime employment. I didn't want any potential employer to turn me down because they saw the brutal honesty I had shared on this blog. Well, those posts will be reposted! My husband and I now are living more frugally, have paid off some debt and I no longer have to be working, so I can be completely, openly ME! I'm grateful for how those difficult, sometimes terrible moments made me who I am and I look forward to sharing them again. I am happy with how they shaped me, well, at least emotionally...

Physically, I am not in great shape. Stress, three pregnancies, and depression have taken their toll on my body. But I am ready to change that! I NEED to change that. I will still be writing reflections on life, but I will also be dedicating this blog to my weight loss journey. I started eating healthy and exercising hard yesterday (again) but this time I am not giving up. I am taking a healthier road when it comes to everyday living and making the most of this life!

I started this blog hoping my experiences could help others, but now I ask for your help. Please follow me! Please comment! Please message me on Facebook! I need to be held accountable. :) I need to be cheered for and prayed for. There is so much I want to do that I've been puting off because of my weight, because I was self-concious about my appearance or physically uncomfortable, but I can't wait any longer. I am starting those other creative endeavors while I simultaneously attack this beast of food and fat! I hope you join me and we can all live happier, healthier lives! Watch my video below for my initial weigh-in...(dun, dun, duun!)