Thinkin' About "Light Vs. Darkness" While On A Walk With My Kids

 I love taking pictures.  LOVE taking pictures.  Photography has been one of my great comforts during the past several years of ups and downs.  I've looked forward to dressing up my kids in holiday get-ups or giving them fun things to do while I snap shots.  But all the while I've been learning too, and lately I've been thinking about light.

 Each of these 3 pictures is virtually the same.  The only difference is the lighting.  The first is very dramatic, with a high contrast of light and dark, bringing out the detail of the blossoms' edges.  The second is dark, making it difficult to see very much at all.  The third is somewhere in the middle, giving you a chance to see the composition of all the branches as they cross each other.

 This last one is dark around the edges, guiding your eyes to the center and distant, lit up background.  Light is what has changed the kind of picture you see, where your eye is drawn and the feeling of the picture.  The same is true for me.

When I fill my life with light, I am happier and things are clearer.  Sometimes life is darker, even though it isn't necessarily my fault.  This week I had a SUPER rough day, the lowest it's been in a while, and that was hard...to feel like I had relapsed as far as mental health goes. LOL

But a lot of darkness had been surrounding me.  There were some unexpected bills we didn't have money in the budget for.  I really thought that part of our life was OVER!  So that felt even more discouraging than it should of because it felt like a step backwards.  Since we are giving the Pathfinder back to the dealership after it stopped working after only a month, we are down to one car which is also about to break down.

There are the usual challenges that come with a child with ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder, an extremely talkative 5 year-old and a toddler- messes, arguing, trouble focusing on homework...  There were bowel issues- I know, can something go better?  Please!!

And then my period starts...

Writing about it now, it just sounds like normal life, but there in that moment a few days ago the burden was so much heavier than that.  Even if it was just the normal challenges of life, I felt DONE dealing with those challenges.

Looking back, thinking about light and darkness makes me realize that I just need LOTS MORE LIGHT in my life sometimes.  Sometimes light comes from people or music or scripture or prayer or pictures or favorite sayings or quotes.  And I just need more of it.  When I'm aware of bringing it in, I DO!  LOADS OF LIGHT!! :)  Then other times I just forget.

But I can't forget anymore.

So here are my "lights" today...

(while on a walk...a great way to feel some light!)

Michael with his mismatched pajamas, playing his $1 harmonica (which he keeps accidentally calling an accordion.)

 Sophia doing a silly walk/dance to Michael's music. LOL

 And her cute smile while she wears the pants I made for her out of a pillow case! :)

 I'm loving these pretty little purple flowers that are popping up everywhere!  And I'm excited about the garden we are getting started!!  I'm going to be a canning queen!  Maybe! I can dream right?! ;)

 Then, while out on our backyard walk, I saw a duck on the neighbor's roof.  Random...

 I loved watching Michael continue to play his "accordion" as he runs inside-talk about multi-tasking!

 And I'm so grateful for my neighbor's beautiful tree!! This picture doesn't do it justice, because it is BEAUTIFUL!!!

 But some of my brightest lights are the random performances my kids give...there's a pile of dirt!  It's a mountain!  No, it's a stage!!!

 Michael watches for a while, then gets in line.  Victor, however, is captivated.

 Michael follows with his own performance,

 and his cute tummy makes me smile. :)

 As does his silly little gun.  (Thank you Dollar Tree!)

 On our walk we saw our lazy cats, Casey and Lilly.  I suppose they are little lights to me.  It is fun to watch Sammy try to pick them up!

 And more beautiful flowers in our OWN backyard!!!  I can't believe those big bushes I thought were weeds are BLOOMING!!

 I guess I will think about that on the darker days..."I'm not a weed!  I'm just not quite blooming yet!" :)

 And a "light" for you if you need it- ME reading with my kids.  You are not alone in trying to be a good parent, friend, or spouse.  So many of us are trying, not perfectly, but trying is all that matters.  Things will work out!  And before you know it you will be on to better things.  

These pictures are from the day after probably the worst in my life, and I am already feeling so much better.  I'm reading the same copy of the book my Dad read to me when I was little- with all the voices too!  Yes, Michael has a bandaid on his head because Sophia scratched him.  Yes, I'm leaning against a headboard I've been meaning to paint for the past 9 months.  But that's OK.  In fact, its better than OK.  Because we are together.  Love, Eva